How Do You Let Go Of The Worry?

My husband and I have two daughters, and I am the worry wart of the family.  He and I disagree on many items when it comes to the kids.  Our oldest is fairly laid back, but our youngest is easily drawn into drama.  She was invited to a sleep over tonight about a month ago.  When she found out this other girl was invited, that was all she could focus on.  Now, this other child has been known to bully others and be mean as well.  While I know my daughter is not perfect, I have even witnessed some of this child’s actions.

So, I tried my best to calm my daughter and offer her sound advice.  My husband says I need to let it go and allow her to deal with it on her own; however, the thought of someone being mean to my child for no reason upsets me, rather infuriates me.  Anyway, I told her that it is Mia’s birthday party, and SHE should be the focus tonight.  NONE of them should be fighting about anything.  I told her if there is a question or dispute, ask Mia what SHE wants.  So, I thought my advice was reasonable.  I even offered to pick my daughter up at any hour if things spiraled out of control.  I explained that it wasn’t fair to Mia for her friends to be fighting at her birthday party.

My husband says, that although he does think I gave good advice, I worry too much.  So, I need some help, Mothers.  How do I stop?  I just want my little girls to be happy.  I know not all life experiences bring about happiness, but birthday parties at ages 8 & 9 should, shouldn’t they?  I have just been noticing a trend in mean qualities lately amongst girls.  I also teach grades 3-5, and some kids are just down right awful to each other.  I know at some point they need to learn to deal with conflict, but as a mom, I struggle with this so much.  It doesn’t help that this girl’s mother is also mean to me and half of the other mothers she encounters.  So, that expression, “The apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree,” does apply.

I tried my best with this one, and I really did think I handled it well.  But, now I am sitting here filled with worry, hoping things are going well, for everyone.  I don’t want my daughter to fight with anyone.  I tried to equip her with responses that would best suit the situation.  When I spoke to the mother who is hosting the party, she too mentioned that she was worried due to the mix of personalities.  About 10 girls are sleeping over, and she said she realizes that about half of them have strong personalities.  She said she was somewhat concerned about the night as well.  So, that did not comfort me much.

I do try to stay out of my daughters’ problems and situations.  And, as I said, with the older one, it is simple.  But with my little one, it is tougher for me.  She shares a great deal with me, and we are pretty close.  My husband says she shares TOO much, but I am glad she does.  I am afraid that one day she will not share enough, if anything at all.  So, I want to build a trust with her so that she knows I am here for her no matter what.  My husband calls me a helicopter mom, and I probably am.  Maybe it’s the fact that she is my baby, my youngest.  I love both of my girls the same, but my older one does not let me into her life as easily and as openly as my youngest.  I trust them both, but it is just different with my younger child.

I just want the best for my kids, as does any mother.  But it is so difficult to handle situations when you know how other children treat yours, when you have personally witnessed the cruel words and actions.  So, please help me to get a grip.  I am looking for advice!  I know there are moms out there who are much calmer and more laid back than I.  Any suggestions would help!  Thanks!



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